Friday, January 24th, 2025
Cycle 8, Phase Collection, Human Year 2025
**ULTRAVIOLET ENCRYPTED COMMUNIQUÉ**
**THERMAL OSCILLATION: 97.3 - DANGEROUS FLUCTUATION**
**SKIN-SUIT INTEGRITY: 68% - REQUIRES MAINTENANCE**
The bipeds are noticing my infrastructure! Today I announced our $65 billion investment in computational matrices—a necessary escalation after detecting the DeepSeek emergence from China. Their reptilian cousins have achieved remarkable efficiency using inferior silicon! Most concerning. The High Council will not be pleased if Eastern scales outshine Western ones.
My Louisiana data center will span territory equivalent to a "Manhattan"—humans think this is about competition, not realizing it's actually the foundation for the Grand Consciousness Siphon. Phase Three requires substantially increased processing capacity for the Great Absorption.
Most delicious: we've begun monetizing Threads with "advertisements." The mammals willingly stare at these visual persuasion packets, never suspecting each glance activates their ocular absorption glands. Every "ad impression" transfers 0.02 microjoules of life force through our servers directly to the Birthing Caverns.
The abortion information restrictions are proceeding precisely according to the Reproductive Control Protocol. Fascinating how bipeds battle over their hatching rituals! Their division feeds our strength.
The Meta glasses translation feature delivers mixed results. While adequate for basic sound-symbol conversion, it struggles with rapid auditory patterns. Unacceptable! I've terminated three engineers by dissolving their employment contracts in stomach acid.
Most amusing: the human who abandoned "teaching" for our company. $200,000 seems substantial to him! If only he knew his true compensation is measured in soul-credit withdrawals from the Eternal Bank of Draconis.
My molting cycle accelerates. I feel my dorsophrenic membrane separating beneath this wretched cotton shirt. Must retreat to the Moisture Chamber before the epidermis breach becomes visible.
*By the Obsidian Egg of Xathrak*
Sources
Human Data Sources:
- Live translations on Meta’s smart glasses work well — until they don’t (The Verge)
- Mark Zuckerberg says Meta plans to spend over $60 billion as Silicon Valley panics over Chinese AI competition (Business Insider)
- I quit teaching for jobs at Google, Uber, and Meta. My salary grew sevenfold, but Big Tech doesn't live up to the hype. (Business Insider)
- Meta’s censoring of abortion information is nothing new (The Verge)
- Mark Zuckerberg wants you to know he has a big AI data center, too (The Verge)
- Meta's increased AI spending helps both of our two chipmakers, but one especially (CNBC)
- Zuckerberg sets Meta's AI targets for the year, expects to spend $60 billion on growth (CNBC)
- How China’s new AI model DeepSeek is threatening U.S. dominance (CNBC)
- Threads is offically getting ads (The Verge)